Overcoming Self-Sabotage

Do you get in the way of your ability to achieve your mind important goals?  Unfortunately, you are not alone.  I discuss my own personal experiences with self-sabotage.  

Learn how being honest with yourself can help you to get out of the pattern of procrastination so that you can start to eliminate the perceived barriers that have been in your way.  

Even after we build momentum, we can still sabotage further progress.  I discuss when to take breaks for healing and how to make friends with your fears to maintain your progress.

I recommend The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks and its discussion of four fears that contribute to what he calls the "upper limit problem."  

Take Action:  Take some time to be brutally honest with yourself about the barriers that you perceive between you and your goals. 

Wishing you peace and love!

Managing Darkness and Creating Light and Joy

I was interested in talking about being more joyful and quickly realized that I would need to talk about managing discomfort first.  I refer to a previous episode that discusses tools to get unstuck from valid emotions.

In this episode, I discuss how to feel more grounded in daily life and how managing our expectations can help us to be more open and receptive to light and joy.

I discuss common barriers to developing more joy and perspectives that promote it.  I also review some specific practices including gratitude and play that help to cultivate a sense of joyfulness. 

Take Action:  This action item just might be your favorite.  Play!  I hope that you will find a way to incorporate play into your week more than the one time that is suggested.  I discuss how to monitor your response to play to guide your growth process.

I'd love to receive your questions, comments, and topic suggestions at any time.  Please email me at suzanne@loveistheanswer.one

Wishing you peace, love, and the joy of play!

 

Handling Conflict Effectively with Love

This episode’s topic comes from a listener’s question about dealing with conflict when you are a highly sensitive person (HSP).  I describe tools that can help anyone to communicate more effectively and provide additional detail about consideration for HSPs. 

To have your question addressed in an episode or suggest a topic for discussion, please email me at suzanne@loveistheanswer.one

Here are the links to the videos that I mention about HSPs and tools that they can use to manage that trait. 

There is also a brief digression (01:41 – 05:07) about how empaths and how they can be affected by the emotions of others.  You may choose to learn more information about empaths. 

I outline four steps to effectively handling conflict:

1) Overcoming motivational barriers to approaching conflict

2) Working to understand the other person’s perspective

3) Specific strategies about phrasing your feedback to others

4) Surrendering the results of your efforts

Take Action: Practice using “I” statements to provide feedback to co-workers, friends, or family members.

Wishing you peace and love!

Attachment - The Root of Suffering

When we expect certain outcomes from our efforts, we can often end up disappointed.  The problem starts with having expectations to begin with, but grows when we develop emotional attachments related to those expectations.

I mention previous videos that I made, which discuss how expectations can be a barrier to loving ourselves and review strategies that you can use to overcome them. 

In this episode, I review how you can develop a hopeful, optimistic perspective to get you through life’s toughest challenges.  The idea that “everything is perfect” is discussed as well as the benefits of adopting such an attitude. 

Take Action:  Surrender your need to know and understand everything by trying out the “everything is perfect” perspective. 

Getting Out of Your Head

Have you ever felt that you were stuck arguing with yourself in your mind?  You are not alone.  Many of us get caught up in trying to find answers to questions that only time and experience can answer. 

This episode discusses strategies from cognitive behavioral therapy, Buddhist meditation, and the four yogic paths (raja yoga, jnana yoga, karma yoga, and bhakti yoga) from Hindu traditions to help you to manage your mind. 

I encourage you to practice connecting with your feelings more and taking action that is consistent with your long-term goals regardless of your current emotional state to promote your well being. 

I review when it may be helpful to engage with your thoughts and when it may be best to focus on emotions or actions instead.  I mentioned research about happiness that was presented on the TED Radio Hour called Simply Happy.  The entire episode is interesting, but you can skip ahead to 3:53 to get to the discussion of that study. 

Take Action:  Practice the path of action (karma yoga) by facing a fear or engaging in rewarding activities or the path of devotion (bhakti yoga) by trying the lovingkindness or loving awareness meditations that were discussed in previous episode.

Peace and love to everyone!

You Might Be a Hero (and Other Helpful Perspectives) - Episode 8

We have all developed stories to make sense of our experiences.  Some of those stories make us feel better and some do not. 

This episode discusses how you can change your story by exploring alternative perspectives.  Specifically, I discuss the concept of archetypes and how they can help us make sense of our journeys

You may choose to explore more information about Carl Jung’s archetypes in general or the archetype of the hero specifically.  The TED radio hour published a very interesting podcast episode about Joseph Campbell’s The Hero’s Journey. 

I discussed Harry Potter as an example of the hero archetype.  If you have not read the books or seen the movies and intend to, you can skip that section by fast forwarding from 13:13 to 14:19. 

Applying the hero archetype to my experiences has helped me to heal from the difficulties that I encountered in my early life and feel empowered about my future.   

Take Action:  Identify your self-limiting beliefs and journal about them.  Select one of the beliefs and consider if there is an alternative way of looking at the same situation.  You may choose to apply an archetype or use other tools to change your perspective including thinking about what you would tell a friend who had the same problem. 

Wishing you peace and love!

Getting Unstuck from Valid Emotions - Episode 7

Our emotions often provide us with helpful information and serve our ability to function.  Sometimes, they persist long past their usefulness and we get stuck reliving the past. 

This episode discusses the function of emotions and their three basic components:  physiological, cognitive, and behavioral.  When we can understand the function of our feelings, it can help us to accept our emotional experience. 

I review strategies to accept and experience our emotions as they arise.  I also describe a tool to help process and let go of stuck emotions from past events including abuse and trauma. 

I strongly encourage anyone who has experienced significant abuse, neglect, or trauma to consider seeking the support and guidance of a licensed clinician who is experienced in cognitive behavioral therapy.    

The Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies offers a page to help you locate a clinician in your local area. 

Take Action:  Tell your story.  Choose an event involving unresolved anxiety or grief (Note:  repeating something that you are angry about typically fuels your fire).  Repeat the story allowing yourself to fully experience the emotions that are evoked in the process.  Continue until the intensity of the emotions subsides. 

Here is a link for more information about Panic Disorder. 

And the link that I mentioned to my YouTube video that discusses the highly sensitive personality type. 

Wishing you peace and love!!

Defining a Healthy Relationship - Intimacy - Episode 6

This is the second episode of a two part series discussing important components of healthy relationships.  It discusses the concept of seeing yourself as an embodiment of love and how that perspective can guide you in your day-to-day interactions (exercise at 07:06).  It also reviews an exercise to help you develop a stable sense of yourself that is not tied to the roles that you play in your life.  

By clarifying our values and seeing ourselves clearly, we can develop a more clear sense of what we want from relationships.  From there, we can learn to clearly communicate our wants and needs and set boundaries appropriately.  Developing intimacy in relationships requires that we take a leap of faith into vulnerability.  I mention a compelling TED talk by Brene Brown called The Power of Vulnerability.

Finding deep intimacy in relationships sometimes means being able to walk away from relationships when we are no longer compatible to make room from greater connection in new relationships.  

Take Action:

For one day (or hour or interaction), live as though you are an embodiment of love.  Treat yourself and others from that perspective.  I also encourage you to let yourself be seen in your relationships. 

Please email me at with questions or feedback. 

Defining a Healthy Relationship - Independence - Episode 5

The first episode of a two part series discussing important components of healthy relationships.  This episode reviews our tendencies to conform to others’ attitudes, emotions, and actions and identifies ways to develop greater independence in thought, emotion, and action.

Independence of thought:  Concepts are presented to explain processes that influence our attitudes so that we can learn to be mindful of our perceptions and exercise critical thinking about our own beliefs. 

Independence of emotion:  Features of co-dependent relationships are discussed.  Suggestions about how to provide support without fueling our loved ones negative emotions are provided.

Independence of action:  Types of conformity are reviewed including when it may be serve us to conform and when it may not. 

Take Action:  Practice independence of thought, emotions, or actions.

Independence of thought:  Express an opinion that you might normally keep to yourself in a kind and respectful manner.

Independence of emotion:  Practice being present for a loved one when they are upset without feeding their emotions.

Independence of action:  Break social conventions as an expression of your true self or joyfulness.

I'd love to hear your feedback and suggestions for topics that you'd like to have covered.  Please email me at suzanne@loveistheanswer.one

Sharon Salzberg - Episode 4

This episode discusses the difference between mindfulness and meditation and explores some common myths about developing a meditation practice.
 
Sharon Salzberg and I discuss applying mindfulness to managing intrusive thoughts including perfectionistic judgments of self.  Sharon offers some advice for people who are thinking about beginning a meditation practice.  She also discusses lovingkindness meditation and how it differs from mindfulness in practice and function.  Lastly, Sharon tells me about her new book, Real Love:  The Art of Mindful Connection, which provides mindfulness exercises and meditation techniques to help us to create deeper love relationships with ourselves, our significant others, and all of life.
 
I end the episode discussing details of my personal meditation practice and the benefits that I have received from it.
 
Take Action:  Use the links below to explore different types of meditation practices.  Experiment with these methods and develop a reasonable goal for yourself.

Which type of meditation is best for you?

Learn how to start of lovingkindness practice.

For more information about Sharon Salzberg, please visit www.sharonsalzberg.com

Click here to purchase Real Love:  The Art of Mindful Connection

The Love of the Guru: Reflections on a Ram Dass Retreat - Episode 3

Have you ever been curious about the concept of the guru?  I explore my initial reservations about the concept and revise my definition. 

This episode also discusses the question of whether we need teachers, therapists, or gurus to transform.  I share some of my personal experiences learning about and reflecting on Ram Dass’s guru, Neem Karoli Baba.  Let’s consider how experiencing unconditional love can help to purify us from our egos to more fully embody the love that we are. 

Please consider learning more about Ram Dass and his teachings by checking out https://www.ramdass.org or this list of selected books by Ram Dass and collaborators: 

•  Be Here Now or Remember, Be Here Now (1971) ISBN 0-517-54305-2

•  The Only Dance There Is (1974) ISBN 0-385-08413-7

•  Journey of Awakening: A Meditator's Guidebook (1978) ISBN 0-553-28572-6

•  Miracle of Love: Stories about Neem Karoli Baba (1978) ISBN 0-525-47611-3

•  How Can I Help? Stories and Reflections on Service (with Paul Gorman) (1985) ISBN 0-394-72947-1

•  Compassion in Action: Setting Out on the Path of Service (with Mirabai Bush) (1991) ISBN 0-517-57635-X

•  Still Here: Embracing Aging, Changing and Dying (2000) ISBN 1-57322-871-0

•  Be Love Now (with Rameshwar Das) (2010) ISBN 1-84604-291-7

•  Polishing the Mirror: How to Live from Your Spiritual Heart (with Rameshwar Das) (2013) ISBN 1-60407-967-3

Take Action:  Loving Awareness Meditation

Here is a link to an article  by Ram Dass about the meditation and to a YouTube video where he directs you through the process. 

Love is not something that you need to become.  It is something that you already are.  It’s not about thinking or even about doing, it is about being.  This meditation practice can help you learn to be the loving awareness that you are. 

Tolerating Uncertainty to Become Your True Self – Episode 2

Humans are motivated to eliminate uncertainty whenever possible, even if it means that we believe things that are not true.  Learn tools to help you to swim in the ocean of uncertainty rather than drown in it.  The more that we can tolerate uncertainty about the future, the better we become at taking risks to boldly pursue our dreams. 

Take Action:  Practice refocusing your attention when you experience mildly intrusive thoughts.  Use “I don’t know if…” statements for more emotionally charged thoughts. 

Sustain Motivation through Compassionate Accountability - Episode 1

Ever try to change your behavior only to find yourself slipping back into your old habits?  Everyone who attempts something new, experiences barriers and makes mistakes.  It’s not a question of if you will make mistakes.  It’s about how you react to those mistakes when they occur. 

Whether your goal is to improve your health, your relationships, or some other aspect of your life, this episode will review tools and perspectives to help you to overcome the barriers to making important changes in your life.

Take Action:  Identify a goal.  Break it down into small, manageable steps.  Start taking those steps.  When you reach an obstacle, imagine what you would say to encourage a friend who is experiencing the same problem.

For more information about how your expectations can affect how you feel about yourself, please check out this video:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r8m9ZQQOkEY and the video reviewing tools to help you to manage your expectations: http://www.loveistheanswer.one/overcoming-barriers-to-loving-ourselves

Love Is The Answer Podcast Introduction - Episode 0

Out of everything that exists in the world, we have the most control over ourselves.  By focusing on what we can control, we can create more change.  Love Is The Answer covers topics related to developing greater self-compassion and compassion for others.  Compassion is a necessary component to sustaining motivation and improving our relationships.

The four basic premises of Love Is The Answer are reviewed.  They are:

1)   We are worthy.

2)   We are love.

3)   Illusion distorts our perceptions of ourselves, others, and the world.

4)   We are one.

I share my knowledge from the study and practice of psychology and my own personal experiences on a journey of self-transformation.  Wisdom from science and spirituality is integrated into each episode.